Home
by notnicorette
Summary: What happens when Bellamy and Clarke end up bunking together on the oil rig?
Clarke walked into the small room, shutting the door behind her. She'd just come from another meeting with Luna…who still refused to help them.

Bellamy didn't even bother asking how it went, because he already knew the answer. It went the same as the half a dozen other times they'd tried to convince her.

Glancing at Bellamy, she sat down on the floor and started removing her boots. "You can have the bed tonight. I'll take the floor."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No, Clarke."

"It's fine. I had it last night."

She glanced around the small room that obviously used to be an office on the old oil rig. There was barely room for a desk and a chair, plus the small mattress that someone had drug in and placed against the wall.

"I've slept in worse places." She tried to sound lighthearted.

"Just take the bed, Clarke." Bellamy didn't even look up from where he was sitting in the chair, his head resting on his hands that were propped up on the desk. He sounded…tired.

"Bellamy…"

"Dammit, Clarke!" He stood up so fast, the chair almost toppled over backwards. "The only way I'm sleeping in that bed is if you're in it with me, and we both know that isn't happening, so just take it!"

He angrily sat down on the desk with his back to her and started unlacing his boots with rough jerks.

"What…did that mean?" She asked softly.

He let out a sigh. "Nothing. Forget it. Go to sleep."

Clarke pressed her palms into her eyes, trying to get rid of the headache forming there. Maybe she shouldn't have roomed with Bellamy, but there was no way Octavia was ready to share an 8x10 bedroom with her brother, and they'd decided to split up into boy/girl pairs to give them the best chance in case there was any danger from the grounders they were staying with.

Deciding it was too late to do anything about it now, Clarke removed her jacket and used it to cover herself once she laid on the floor.

She heard Bellamy curse softly, then felt him walk over to where she was laying.

"I'm not playing, Clarke. Get in the damn bed."

Rolling her eyes, she turned over to look up at him. "You get in the damn bed," she said, mocking him.

He stalked to the other side of the room, finally smacking the wall near the door. Once he did, most of the anger seemed to drain from his body.

He slowly walked back to her, crouching down beside her. "Would you let me do this?"

Raising up on her elbow, she searched his face. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"You don't let me do anything I want to do for you."

"…what do you mean?"

"All I ever try to do is keep you safe, keep you protected…and what do you do? Run headfirst into the danger, every time. Usually without me."

She frowned, confused. "What? Because I'm a girl, I'm supposed to let the men be in charge? I'm supposed to..what? Stay home and knit while…"

"No. You're supposed to let the guy who cares about you protect you."

She felt her heart skip a beat, then pick up at a faster tempo. She wasn't sure how to proceed. "Bellamy…"

He sighed, looking away. "It doesn't matter. I know that's never going to change. But at least let me do this for you."

She shook her head no.

He sat down on the floor, then scooted back a few inches until his back was against the side of the desk.

She watched as all the fight drained from him.

He finally looked relaxed, or maybe just resigned. His hand rested casually on his bent knee when he finally looked at her again, although his gaze was intense. "I'm done playing games, Clarke. Come sleep in my arms, where you belong."

She hurriedly sat up, sure she'd misunderstood him. "What?"

"You heard me."

Glancing nervously at the bed, then back at Bellamy, she started stuttering. "I'm not going to…" She gestured at the bed.

He frowned. "This isn't about sex." Glancing at her, he smirked before looking away. "Okay, it isn't JUST about sex."

She laid down with a huff, staring at the ceiling. "Then I don't know what you mean."

"I'm tired, Clarke."

She flung her hands in the air in exasperation. "That's why you should take the bed!"

"I don't just mean that way. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of myself and everyone I care about living in danger. I'm tired of watching people I call friends dying all around me, sometimes because I made the wrong decision. I'm tired of not knowing if I'm going to live to see tomorrow. But what I'm really tired of is doing all that while both of us try to pretend that I'm not in love with you."

Her eyes closed briefly. No. She sat up, crossing her legs under her. "Bellamy, don't do this."

"Why?"

She was begging him. "Please, don't do this."

"I've seen my sister in agony for days now because the man she loves is dead. Dead, Clarke. They don't get another chance to do it over or wait for the right time. I can't stop thinking about the fact that something could happen to either one of us at any time and I would have never told you how I feel." He sat up, gazing at her intently. "I'm not okay with that."

"You're sad about Lincoln. You're upset because Luna won't help us. It's clouding your judgement…" She was trying to explain away his behavior.

He smiled at her attempt to dodge him. "No, it made me realize what's important. I love you. I have for a long time."

She placed her head in her hands. "No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Still yes." He leaned forward. "What are you afraid of, Clarke?"

She looked up in a knee-jerk reaction. "I'm not…" She glanced at the wall above his head. "Don't do this. You'll change everything."

He looked uncertain for the first time. "Do you…" He glanced down at his jeans, seemingly very interested in a small hole near his knee. "Do you not feel the same way?"

Now it was her turn to be very interested in the coat covering her legs.

"Clarke?"

She felt her heart tug at the plaintive question in his voice. Realizing this was going nowhere good, she hurriedly stood and ran to the door, intending to go swap rooms with Jasper.

Before she could get there, he was against the closed door, blocking her path.

"No. You aren't running this time." He took a step toward her. "Tell me the truth, I can handle it. Are you still in love with Finn? Somebody else?"

"No! It isn't that!" She was practically shouting at him.

He let out the breath he'd been holding.

Out of options, she walked back over to her place on the floor and sat back down.

He walked softly to her and sat back down in front of her. When she didn't shy away, he reached over and gently grabbed her hand, pulling it onto his leg.

Using the very tips of his fingers, he traced intricate designs on her palm and up and down her fingers.

Both of them stared at their joined hands as if mesmerized.

"You're one of the bravest people I know, Clarke. Why are you afraid of this?"

She turned to look at the wall beside her. "The people I care about too much…they end up dead."

His fingers froze. "Clarke…"

She jerked her hand out of his grasp and stood up, putting some space between them. "It's true, Bellamy. My dad, Finn, Lexa…anyone I even start to love…"

He stood too, although he stayed where he was, sensing that she needed her space. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't know that!"

"No, I don't. But if something does happen to me, it won't be because we're together or apart. It'll be because we live in the middle of a war zone."

She was shaking her head.

"Trust me, Clarke."

Her gaze flew to his. "I do! I trust you with my life!"

"…but not your heart?"

"Bellamy…"

"Trust that I'll take care of us."

Sensing that she needed a final push, he let one of his biggest insecurities come out. This would be the final test. Either she loved him…or she didn't.

He spoke softly. "For months now, you've been telling me you need me. Would anyone have worked? Any guy that was decent with a weapon? Just another body to help you fight?"

She flinched as if he'd slapped her. "Bellamy, no…"

"You chose me cause…what? I was the tallest?" He let some of the fear he felt into his expression.

This time she was the one to go to him and grab his hand. "No. I needed YOU. I still need you."

He gazed at her intently, their faces mere inches apart. "Why?"

"Because you're who I want fighting beside me. Because I know that you'll call me on my BS when I take too many risks. Because I think sometimes you know me better than I know myself. Bellamy, I can't do this without you." She frowned, looking down at their joined hands. "I don't want to do this without you." She pulled her gaze back up to his. "But if we…got together and then something happened to you…I don't think I could do it. I can't lose you."

He grabbed her free hand with his, absently running his thumbs over her knuckles. "Clarke…" He sighed, deciding to go for broke. "Did the ark ever feel like home to you?"

Surprised at his change in direction, she glanced up at him. "Not really…why?"

"Home…it's somewhere you feel safe, right? It's somewhere you feel like you belong." His grip on her hands tightened. "It's somewhere…when everything in the world is literally falling down around you, you can go to this place and feel a moment's peace."

She nodded.

"I've never had that. Not on the ark, not on the drop ship, not at camp. The only place I've ever had that…" He looked deep into her eyes. "…is with you. When you're in my arms… You're my home, Clark."

She closed her eyes as a tear fell down her cheek.

He raised their joined hands and gently wiped it off with the back of his finger. "I'd like to have this…" He gestured between them. "…for the next 80 years or so. But you're right. What if I don't last the week? Then I'll die knowing that everything I've ever wanted was right in front of me and I didn't take it." He pulled her closer. "I can't keep acting like watching you walk off into grounder territory alone doesn't terrify me. I can't keep seeing you every day and only getting to hold you when one of us needs the other so badly we give in to a hug. In this screwed up life we're living, you're the only thing that brings me happiness." He was staring at her so intently, she felt like he could see her soul. "I want to be happy, Clarke, even if it's just for a few minutes every day. And I want to make you happy. Because you're my home. And I think…I hope…I'm that for you too."

Finished, his gaze flicked rapidly back and forth across her face, searching for a sign.

She had more tears running down her face, but she didn't care. "You are, Bellamy. You are."

Raising on tiptoe, she pressed her lips against his as her hands went to his chest.

Smiling against her lips, he cupped her face with his hands, angling his head to kiss her properly.

They both poured everything they had into the kiss, stopping only when they couldn't breathe.

She slid her arms up and around him, hugging him tightly to her and pressing a kiss against his neck.

He made a noise deep in his throat and nuzzled her hair. "Ah, Princess…"

She chucked. "That used to be an insult."

"It hasn't been for a long time."

"I know." She pulled back to look at him. "Bellamy…I love you too."

This time, he went in for the kiss.

When he took her bottom lip between his, she moaned and dug her fingers into his hair.

When he released it, she slid her tongue between his lips.

Her hands were tunneling through his hair and his were running up and down her back, pressing her closer and closer.

They both knelt, then fell back on the mattress, him on top of her.

He released her lips to kiss down her neck. Between kisses, he managed to whisper, "If I'd have known this was all it took to get you to take the bed…"

Laughing, she smacked him on the arm. "Shut up."

He nipped the area beneath her earlobe, making her gasp. "Happily."

They were moving their bodies against each other, hers raising off the bed to connect with his. Their lips started playing too, grasping and releasing in a similar rhythm. But the moment her ankle locked behind his calf, he started slowing things down.

With a final soft kiss, he rolled onto his back beside her.

She turned to look at him uncertainly. "Bellamy?"

After catching his breath, he rolled onto his side, elbow under his head so he could see her. Using his other hand, he grabbed her waist and turned her toward him. "This isn't a hookup, Clarke. We're going to do this right. No sex…yet." His fingers trailed from her shoulder, slowly down her side, just brushing the side of her breast.

Her eyes closed and her breath hitched at his caress. When she opened them, she found him watching her. "But…soon?"

He grinned, pulling her closer and entangling her legs with his. "Oh, yeah."

She smiled at his boyish enthusiasm. For the first time in a long time, he looked like the teenage boy he actually was.

Her hand went to his face, trailing along his cheek and then his jaw. "Everything is different."

"What do you mean?" He searched her eyes, hoping she wasn't regretting her decision already.

One side of her mouth pulled down in a frown. She wasn't sure how to answer.

His hand was on her side, his thumb making circles on her stomach. "Did you love me before?"

She nodded.

"Do you love me now?"

She bit her lip and nodded again. He had no idea how much-well…maybe he did.

"Then what's different, aside from the obvious?"

As she watched her fingers stroke his face, she realized what it was. "I can breathe again."

His eyes lit up in understanding.

She leaned forward and gently kissed him. When she slowly opened her eyes, he was doing the same, staring at her in the same awe-struck way she felt.

She leaned her forehead against his and gently nuzzled his nose with hers before laying back down on the pillow beside him. "Home."

It was an affirmation.

His eyes blinked in understanding. "Home."


End file.
